07/21/2002"Mysteries Explained : Michael Jackson"
Wacko Jacko |
While filming a Pepsi commercial in the late 80s, Michael Jackson caught fire, and died in a horrible accident. But he was at the prime of his career, and his record company was unable to let go of future profit possibilities. As a result, an animatronic Michael was created.
Animatronic Michael worked perfectly for the first few years. The machine even turned out albums like "Dangerous" and "HIStory" albeit without the quality or je ne sais quoi that makes an album good. As the years went by, however, his circuits started degrading. The skin pigmentation of the android became lighter and lighter, and he become more incomprehensible. He married Lisa Marie Presley.
The record company, unable to control the device, which seemed near-sentient, did not promote Animatronic Michael's last album so that it's circuits would be destroyed.
Sadly, Animatronic Michael thinks it is real, and is now claiming that record companies are racist, despite the fact that the singing android is, in fact, raceless.
No, the current Michael Jackson is actually a cyborg sent from the 24th Century to halt the current pop trend in music, which in the future has become so bland and meaningless that it actually kills people. Jackson's pop pablum and weird antics are intended to inspire revolution and revulsion (there are no great musicians in the future, so they had to send a pop star) which will change the course of history. Unfortunately, Kurt Cobain was killed by a bad Cyborg from the future (Brittany?) and the revolution has foundered. The forces of evil are on to him and deliberate sunk his latest effort to inspire a revolt. Torn by despair, the Jackson robot is resorting to the desperation tactic of claiming racism. He will self destruct within 10 weeks.
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Posted by Phil
Wednesday, July 24, 2002 at 08:15
PM EST
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Michael is actually the fallen angel Mikal, the corruptor. His mission was to take earthly form and to make susceptible humans love him before metamorphisisizing into his true form and taking his followers with him.
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Posted by Rich D
Thursday, July 25, 2002 at 02:50
PM EST
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No, actually, Phil's right. I'm a bounty hunter and I've been searching for him for the last 20 years. He's a metroid. Really. No lie. Word? Word.
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Posted by Samus Aran
Friday, July 26, 2002 at 05:20
PM EST
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Have you not seen MIB2? They explain it all ...It holds the key to wisdom ..and the truth ... that is out there ... or so they say .. anyway, Android Mike J. is really an alien at a dead end job... but lets face it .. even in the movie he feels discriminated upon ... he just has no chance, can't even get away woth a promotion in hollywood.
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Posted by Hayzy
Friday, August 2, 2002 at 05:48
PM EST
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btw i heard his nose is dying .
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Posted by hayzy
Saturday, August 24, 2002 at 12:26
AM EST
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